


Ambiguities in Romantic Storytelling

by theimprobable1



Series: Endgame Studies [1]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Complicated Relationships, F/M, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24526858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theimprobable1/pseuds/theimprobable1
Summary: Rachel tries to figure out the exact nature of the relationship between Troy and Abed.
Relationships: Abed Nadir/Rachel (Community), Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Series: Endgame Studies [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783591
Comments: 32
Kudos: 235





	Ambiguities in Romantic Storytelling

If the only things Rachel knew about Troy Barnes were the things Abed told her, she’d know next to nothing. She’d know that he was Abed’s friend and former roommate who’d gone away to sail around the world in order to fulfil the terms of another friend’s will, which was apparently meant literally and not as an obscure reference to a movie she wasn’t familiar with. And that would be pretty much it.

However, no one whose time at Greendale Community College overlapped to any extent with the time of the Greendale Seven could possibly be unaware of Abed Nadir and Troy Barnes and their epic friendship - or epic romance, depending on who you asked. (“I played DnD with them once where Abed was Dungeon Master and the character he designed for Troy was called Hector the Well-Endowed. That’s not a straight thing to do,” said Neil Adams. “No one in that group is capable of feeling human emotions of any kind,” said Todd Jacobson. “Troy dumped me for Abed,” said Mariah the librarian. “No gay man could do what Abed Nadir can do,” said Courtney Travis, generally agreed to be the most attractive girl on campus, with a smug smile. “ _Gayyy_ ,” said Ben Chang.) Everyone knew the pair of friends (or boyfriends) who were attached at the hip and the only time they had disagreed, they turned the entire school into a war zone. Everyone knew that to them, getting separated meant the world turned into a post-apocalyptic hellscape. 

Which was why it seemed odd to Rachel that Abed was so unwilling to talk about Troy. They clearly meant (or had meant) the world to each other, but all of Rachel’s questions were met with one-word answers and immediate change of subject, and the rest of the Save Greendale Committee weren’t much better, as if they were afraid Abed would have a fit if any of them mentioned Troy within Rachel’s earshot. Which made her think that the part of campus that thought Abed and Troy had been a couple were onto something. Being unwilling to talk to your girlfriend about your best friend was weird. Being unwilling to talk to your girlfriend about your ex, or your best friend who you had unrequited feelings for - much less weird.

That possibility didn’t bother Rachel as much as it maybe should. First of all, Troy was half the world away and not likely to come back anytime soon, so getting jealous over him would be a waste of time. Secondly, Courtney had been right - Rachel had extensive evidence that Abed was definitely, definitely not gay, and she enjoyed that evidence quite a lot. Thirdly - well. If Abed had feelings for somebody else, there was less chance that Rachel would end up hurting him if (when) it turned out that they weren’t quite meant to be. Because dating Abed was fun a lot of the time - she honestly didn’t think she’d had half as much fun with either of her previous boyfriends - but it could also be frustrating, exhausting and downright impossible. She simply didn’t think she was equipped to deal with that in the long run, and knowing that she’d have to be the one to break it off at some point made her feel guilty in advance.

But for now, things were good. They got along, mostly. They watched a lot of movies and reenacted a lot of scenes. She figured out ways to touch him and talk to him that worked most of the time, and ways to give them both space when there was no getting through to him. She stopped trying to ask about Troy. After all, she and Abed rarely talked about that sort of thing - real, emotional things actually relevant to their lives. Their time could be much better spent rewatching _Pushing Daisies_ and having creative contactless sex.

But then one day she was sitting up in Abed’s bed, idly browsing through Jeff Winger’s Netflix account on Abed’s laptop, trying to decide what they should watch next as she waited for Abed to be done in the bathroom, when an incoming skype call notification popped up on the screen.

She stared at the words _Troy Barnes calling_ as the curiosity she’d kept suppressed came back full force. She knew Abed and Troy skyped occasionally - as a matter of fact, Abed had thrown her out rather unceremoniously a couple of times before their scheduled skype session, because apparently she wasn’t allowed to be nearby while they talked. So this call was clearly not planned, otherwise she wouldn’t be here.

But she _was_ here, and Abed wasn’t, and there was no reason to let Troy think Abed was ignoring him. She’d just tell him Abed would call him later, there was no harm in that.

She hastily slipped on the nearest item of clothing - Abed’s pajama top - and clicked to accept the call.

“Hey, buddy!” Troy said, his wide, happy grin obvious even with the rather grainy quality of the video. Then he froze, his eyes nearly bulging out of his head. “... Abed?”

“Sorry, hi! I’m Rachel, Abed’s just in the bath.”

“Oh!” Troy laughed in relief. “Phew, for a moment there I thought I’ve stumbled into a weird alternate reality where Abed is a white girl. Why are you wearing his _clothes_?! That’s so confusing. Oh, wait, are you the girlfriend?” 

“That’s me. Hi! Great to finally meet you.”

“You too,” said Troy, in a tone of voice Rachel couldn’t quite decipher. Curious? Suspicious? Jealous? “Anyway, sorry to cut this short, but can you call Abed? I kinda really need to talk to him.”

“He’s in the bath,” Rachel said again. “I’ll tell him to call you back when he’s done?”

“Yeah, no, I know how long his baths can get, and this café’s closing soon and I don’t know when I’ll have reliable internet again. I just need to let him know I’m all right. We got kidnapped by pirates again and he’d worry if it made it to the news.”

“... Sorry, what? You got kidnapped by pirates? _More than once?_ ” No one had ever mentioned that. Surely if one of your friends got _kidnapped by pirates_ you would talk about it at some point?!

“Yeah, but it’s fine. It was honestly not nearly as exciting as it sounds. I’m seriously starting to think that the Pirates of the Caribbean are made up. I mean, none of these guys even had a single parrot or monkey. _I_ had a monkey, and I’d never even seen the sea until a few months ago.” He scoffed dramatically. “But that doesn’t matter right now. Can you please bring the laptop to Abed so we can talk?”

Rachel hesitated. “You want to talk to him in the bathroom?”

“That’s where he is,” Troy said, his tone clearly indicating he thought Rachel was slow on the uptake.

“Is he... gonna be comfortable with that?”

“Why wouldn’t he be?” Troy frowned, then his eyes widened. “I mean, unless you guys haven’t… I mean… you could cover your eyes?”

Right. Rachel wasn’t going to comment on that. “Um, okay. Let me just check with him first.”

She was pretty sure Troy rolled his eyes. “Fine, whatever, but quickly please? I’m running out of time here.”

Rachel left the laptop on the bed and padded barefoot to the hall.

“Abed?” she called as she knocked on the bathroom door. She definitely wouldn’t need to cover her eyes if she entered, but she respected his privacy enough not to just barge in (like _some_ people might have done, she supposed). “There’s Troy on skype for you. He says it’s urgent.”

There was a loud splash, and then Abed spoke in an oddly high-pitched voice. “Troy?”

“Yes. Sorry, I was on your computer when he called. Are you getting out or…?”

“Can you bring the laptop here? I’m not done yet.”

Okay, apparently this was really happening. “Sure.”

“See? I told you it’d be fine,” Troy said with a smirk when she came back to the bedroom to get the laptop. “Oh, and also? If I find out you hurt him, then I… I don’t exactly know what I’ll do, but you’ll regret it for the rest of your life, okay? Don’t think I’m too far away. I’m friends with LeVar Burton now, I have _connections_.” 

“Noted,” said Rachel. Being threatened with unspecified revenge was probably the most normal thing about this conversation.

From the look on Abed’s face when she entered, he had no problems with Troy seeing him stark naked in the bath (with no bubbles or foam either). Then again, Abed’s face wasn’t the best indicator of what he was feeling, so who knew. She set the laptop on the closed lid of the toilet and left them to it.

As she was closing the door, she heard Troy speak. “Dude, you let her wear your clothes? You never let me wear your clothes! And you know those pajamas are my favorite!”

She closed the door firmly before she could hear Abed’s reply. Well. That… was a thing that happened. Abed had naked bathtub skype calls with Troy and that was normal. Apparently. _Surely_ that confirmed… except no, it didn’t confirm anything, did it? After all, Abed wasn’t particularly self-conscious. And Troy didn’t seem to mind Abed had a girlfriend. On the other hand, he apparently had a favorite pair of Abed’s pajamas. She had no clue what to make of that.

She meant to go straight back to Abed’s bedroom, but the pictures in the hall caught her eye. This was far from her first time in Abed’s apartment, she’d seen them before, but something had always distracted her from taking a proper look. Almost all of them were of Abed and Troy, dressed in improbable, amazing costumes - Roman togas, Kickpuncher and Punchkicker, Inspector Spacetime and Constable Reggie fused together. Occasionally some of their other friends appeared, but even Annie, who lived here too, was only on two pictures.

Speak of the devil, Rachel heard a door open behind her and Annie came out of her bedroom, softly humming _Daybreak_ under her breath.

“Oh, Rachel, hi! I didn’t know you were here!” Annie said with a bright smile. She’d been extra nice to Rachel ever since the VCR game fiasco.

Feeling a sudden need to explain why she was standing in the hallways wearing nothing but her underwear and Annie’s roommate’s pajama top, Rachel said, “Abed’s skyping with Troy in the bath.”

“Troy!” Annie squealed, and for a second Rachel thought she was going to actually barge into the bathroom, but then she caught herself. She met Rachel’s eye and winced a little apologetically. “That’s not weird for them, you know,” she said, pointing her thumb at the bathroom door. “They used to have a whole thing about brushing their teeth together.”

“That doesn’t make it any less weird,” Rachel pointed out. At this point, she wondered if there was anything that _could_ make it less weird.

“I guess not,” Annie said, giggling a little. “I was going to get some ice cream, would you like some?”

Rachel supposed Abed’s skype date was going to take a while. “Sure, why not.”

In the kitchen, Annie pulled out a tub of cookie dough ice cream from the freezer. “Do you mind if we eat straight out of the tub?”

“I don’t if you don’t.”

“So…” Rachel said as they leaned against the kitchen counter and dug in. She felt a bit bad about bringing this up behind Abed’s back, but right now she just couldn’t help herself. “What’s the deal with Abed and Troy?”

“It’s Troy and Abed,” Annie said over a mouthful of ice cream.

“Huh?”

“It’s Troy and Abed,” Annie repeated, opening her eyes wide to indicate that it really should be obvious. “You know, like Holmes and Watson. Batman and Robin. It just doesn’t work the other way round.”

“So they’re an iconic duo with unadressed ambiguously homoerotic subtext?” Rachel asked bluntly. Annie’s hand stilled halfway to her mouth. “Or is it _more_ than subtext?”

“Two guys can be close without being gay for each other,” Annie pointed out, making it sound like something she’d learned by heart. “But I guess we’ve all wondered at some point.”

“But you don’t wonder anymore?”

Annie shrugged. “I don’t know. Not really, I suppose. They’re Troy and Abed, normal categories don’t apply to them. In the end, I don’t think it matters.” She stopped short, realising who she was talking to. “I mean, obviously it would matter to you. For what it’s worth, I really don’t think it was ever like that between them. I lived with them, I’m sure I’d have noticed. Although they did spend a lot of time alone in the Dreamatorium…” ( _The what?_ ) “But that was before Troy started dating Britta, and Abed never seemed particularly bothered about that.” She hesitated, a thoughtful expression appearing on her face. “Though it’s true that they basically broke up because Troy preferred spending time with Abed… he used to call me from every date to check if Abed was all right… and Abed never cared much about getting a girlfriend while Troy was here…” Annie looked suddenly terrified by what was coming out her mouth. “But that doesn’t mean anything! They just have a… special bond, it doesn’t mean…”

“Relax,” said Rachel, because Annie looked like she was in physical pain. “I promise I’m not about to have a jealous fit. I’m just trying to get it. For how close they obviously were, Abed’s surprisingly unwilling to talk about him. I just figured that would make more sense, narratively speaking, if there’d been romantic feelings involved.”

Annie’s eyebrows scrunched together as she considered this. 

“I don’t think that’s the reason. I think it’s just easier for Abed not to talk about him. He was the same way when Troy got pulled into the air-conditioning repair school - don’t ask,” Annie added when Rachel raised a questioning eyebrow. “It was… pretty hard for him, you know, right after Troy left, and trying to make him talk about just made him shut down more, so we stopped trying. We’re all just glad he seems to be coping all right now. You’ve really helped, I think. I’m really glad he has you.”

“Thank you.”

Annie smiled at her and they ate their ice cream in silence for a moment while Rachel mulled things over.

“I don’t know if you know that,” she said after a while as something became clear in her mind, “but the first time Abed and I met was last year, at the Sophie B. Hawkins dance.”

“I know, it was adorable.”

“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?” Rachel smiled at the memory. “But then he never called, and I never got that. If he liked me enough to publicly embarrass himself to get my attention, why not just go through with it?”

“It was the gas leak year, we all made some pretty questionable decisions.”

Rachel shook her head. It made sense to her now. “I don’t think that’s it. I think he felt that… spark between us, but then he went home and remembered he had a fire already going in the hearth, so what did a spark matter? There was no room for me in his life then, and there is now. It’s kind of obvious when you think about it.”

“Rachel!” Annie widened her doe eyes at her. “You’re not a - Troy replacement, Abed genuinely cares about you!”

“I know he does.” She thought she did, anyway. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not here to fill a void.”

Annie looked stricken.

“But that’s okay!” Rachel said hastily. “I mean, aren’t all relationships just attempts to fill a void, in a way?”

So maybe Abed had been in love with Troy. Maybe he still was. Or maybe they were friends who would always care about each other more than about their romantic partners. Either way, Rachel would always come second. And a not-terrible girlfriend who wasn’t low-key looking for an escape plan would probably feel bothered by that. As it was, the only thing she felt was an encroaching sadness about the other thing she’d come to realize: that even months after Troy’s departure, Abed was still hurting so deeply he was unable to share it with anyone.

“I need my pajama top now.”

Both Rachel and Annie were startled to find Abed standing behind them, bare-chested and an unreadable expression on his face, his laptop closed under his arm. There was no way he could have failed to overhear them.

“Of course, sorry, I got a bit caught up here,” Rachel said apologetically and stopped herself just in time before she started stripping in front of Annie. _Don’t panic._

“How’s Troy?” Annie asked eagerly, though it was possible that her eagerness was partly due to the need to distract Abed from their topic of conversation.

“He’s fine,” Abed said indifferently, already walking towards his bedroom. “He says hi.”

“Oh, okay, thanks,” said Annie, clearly a bit disappointed Abed wasn’t willing to share more. She looked back at Rachel, silently communicating the same uncertainty Rachel was feeling.

Rachel thanked her for the ice cream and followed Abed to his bedroom. He must have heard at least a bit of what she and Annie had been talking about. Was he going to bring it up? Probably not - that would mean talking about Troy, and they did not talk about Troy. Rachel definitely wasn’t going to force it, even though she now probably had a better opening than ever before. Abed was moving in that way that was hard to describe - somewhat stilted, less smooth than his usual movements - which meant that he was upset. She was pretty sure that if she tried to make him talk about Troy, it would send him down one of those paths where she couldn’t follow, and she wanted to avoid that if she could help it. She couldn’t always tell when Abed was on the brink of - something. Actually, she mostly couldn’t. But when she could, it felt like walking on a tightrope. One wrong move was all it would take.

She took off his pajama top and rummaged in her backpack for the oversized Ravenclaw t-shirt she’d brought to sleep in. Not so long ago, Abed had wanted her to move in (to take Troy’s place in their apartment, it really was so obvious now), but now he didn’t seem ready to even just let her keep a change of clothes at his place. Which was probably for the best, all things considered.

She watched him as he pulled on his pajamas and slipped under the covers, turning his back to what was Rachel’s side of the bed when she was staying over. Well. It looked like they weren’t going to watch anything after all.

“Abed? Are you all right?” she asked tentatively when she couldn’t bear the tense silence any longer.

“Fine,” he said flatly, but that didn’t really mean anything with Abed. “But please don’t answer calls for me in the future.”

That stopped Rachel short as she was getting under the covers. _That_ was what Abed was upset about?

“Okay, I won’t,” she said a little defensively. “I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. I just thought you wouldn’t want to miss a call from Troy.”

Abed didn’t speak and didn’t move, but the hunched line of his shoulders seemed to tense even more.

Rachel hesitated for a second, sitting on the edge of the bed but not lying down. “Do you want me to go?” she asked. It was pretty late and she wasn’t ecstatic about the prospect, but sometimes it was best to just leave Abed alone. Sometimes he needed space, and sometimes _she_ needed to give him space to preserve her own sanity. When he was having one of what she called his special times (because that sounded better than calling it an episode), it was often better for both of them to be apart, or she’d just get angry with him for things he couldn’t necessarily help and he’d end up resenting her for it. She _wanted_ to provide comfort, she did, but she honestly didn’t know if she could, if anything she did made things better or worse.

Abed stayed quiet for a long time and Rachel was beginning to think it was going to be one of those times when he simply wouldn’t - couldn’t - talk and Rachel was supposed to figure out what to do on her own, but then he spoke.

“Stay. Please.”

“All right.” Rachel laid down on her back, staring at the ceiling. This wasn’t how she had imagined the night going. “Good night, then.”

There was no response, and to be honest she hadn’t expected one. She swallowed a sigh, took off her glasses and switched off the bedside lamp.

They lay there next to each other in silence for some moments before Abed spoke, very quietly.

“Do you remember that old couple in _Titanic_?”

“Yeah?” She turned her head to look at him, but he hadn’t moved and didn’t elaborate. 

It took her a moment to figure out what he meant, what he was asking for. She turned to her side and scooted closer, until she was spooned up behind him. She slipped an arm around his waist, and after a while his hand found hers, threading their fingers together. She snuggled closer and breathed in; the back of his neck always smelled so lovely.

It took him a long time to relax in her arms, and she wondered what it was that made him feel like he was on a sinking ship.

*

When Rachel woke up Abed was already awake, lying ramrod-straight on his back next to her. She got the feeling that he had been like that for a while - had he even slept at all? It definitely didn’t fill her with optimism.

“I think I owe you an apology for my behavior last night,” Abed said without preamble before she’d even had a chance to say good morning, somehow knowing she was awake without looking at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong and I was short with you for reasons that weren’t your fault.”

“Oh.” Rachel was never fully awake before her first cup of coffee, but even her half-asleep brain knew this was a rather unexpected turn of events.

“I also owe you a much bigger apology. I overheard you and Annie talking last night - cheap plot device, but life is trite sometimes - and I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re right. About the… void I’ve been trying to fill.”

Rachel sat up abruptly and stared at Abed, who was still lying on his back, his eyes fixed on a random spot on the ceiling, and she couldn’t believe the words that had just come out of his mouth. She really, really needed to be more awake for this.

“Okay,” she said groggily, rubbing at her face. “If we’re going to talk about this, I need to pee first and then have some coffee. Can you give me a minute?”

Abed shrugged, which was an odd thing to do lying down. “Go ahead.”

Five minutes later, she sat back down on the bed, a mug of life-saving coffee in her hand. Abed was sitting up too now, leaning against the headboard with his knees pulled up in a self-protective gesture. Rachel sat next to him - she figured it might be easier for Abed to talk about things when there was no expectation of eye contact.

“So… what exactly are you trying to say?” Rachel prompted, once she had enough caffeine in her bloodstream and it looked like Abed wasn’t going to start on his own.

“I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been trying to make you… fill in for Troy. Not consciously, but that’s what I’ve been doing. I... miss him, and I hoped that being with you would make me stop missing him.”

“Which didn’t work.”

“No. But you’ve made it… easier to bear. You _have_ filled the void, to some extent. But that’s not fair to you. You don’t deserve to be used… as a crutch to help me get over somebody else. I’m sorry.”

“Abed… are you saying what it sounds like you’re saying?”

“I don’t know, what does it sound like?”

She took a deep breath and dived in. “Are you in love with Troy?”

Abed swallowed heavily, and after an endless moment, he nodded. “But I’m not gay, so you don’t have to feel obligated to be supportive.”

“I know you’re not, and that makes no sense. Why would I feel obligated…?”

“The opposite-sex partner of a character who comes out as gay might feel the need to be supportive so as not to come across as homophobic. They also tend to be comforted by the fact that their partner could never truly love them due to gender incompatibility, something that’s outside of their control, which makes them more magnanimous. But I’m not gay; my attraction to people has never been determined by gender in any way, so you’re free to resent me.”

“Well, I don’t think there are any movies or TV shows about the girlfriend of a bisexual guy who --”

“Pansexual.”

“-- pansexual guy who turns out to be in love with his best friend who left to sail around the world to get an inheritance, so I think I’ll just have to come up with my own reactions.”

“Okay,” Abed said, and it actually sounded sort of expectant, like he was curious to see what reactions she’d come up with.

Rachel drank a bit more of her coffee to buy herself some time before speaking. “Does he feel the same?”

“Hmm. Not the reaction I was expecting,” Abed said thoughtfully, but then his tone shifted. “I don’t know. I don’t think so. He wouldn’t have left if he did, would he?”

“Well, did he know how you felt? Did you tell him?”

“I only really figured it out after he left.” Oh, wow. That must have made an already awful situation even worse. 

“So nothing ever happened between you two?”

She expected Abed to shake his head, but he didn’t. Instead he blinked a few times, took a breath, and said, “Not exactly.”

“Not exactly?”

“There were… a few kisses. But all but one of them happened while we were in character. They weren’t real.”

“By that logic, most of our kisses weren’t real either,” Rachel pointed out. “And wait, did you say all but one? I want to know about the one.”

*

_FADE IN:_

_INT. TROY, ABED AND ANNIE’S APARTMENT - DINING AREA - NIGHT_

_TROY, ABED and ANNIE, all wearing pajamas, sit around the dining table over mostly empty mugs of cocoa._

_Annie yawns and sighs._

_ANNIE: I guess I’m off to bed. I’m done in._

_She stands up. Abed watches her, saying nothing. Troy nods, his eyes on his mug._

_TROY: Yeah. Me too. Good night, Annie._

_ANNIE: Night, guys!_

_She takes a few steps towards her bedroom door, then stops. She hesitates for a second before turning around and walking back to Troy. She pulls him to her chest from behind, squeezing tightly._

_ANNIE: I can’t believe it’s your last night here! I’m gonna miss you so much._

_TROY (strained): I’m gonna miss you too._

_He touches the back of her hand, stroking lightly. Abed watches them as Annie kisses the top of Troy’s head, his impassive face betraying nothing of what he’s feeling. Annie lets go of Troy, her eyes meeting Abed’s over the top of Troy’s head. Her expression softens with understanding and compassion. Abed looks away._

_ANNIE (softly): See you in the morning._

_The boys stay quiet as she leaves, and then for a long beat after she’s gone. They don’t look at each other, Troy’s imminent departure weighing on them._

_ABED: I guess we should go to bed too. Big day tomorrow._

_TROY: Yeah._

_Neither of them makes a move to get up. Going to sleep will put them that much closer to the morning._

_TROY (contradicting his previous statement and his tired appearance): I’m not that sleepy, actually._

_ABED: We could watch an episode of Inspector Spacetime, if you want._

_Troy looks up hopefully and the atmosphere between them suddenly relaxes, as if the moment of their separation had been postponed._

_TROY: The Fall of Thoraxis?_

_ABED (pointing his index finger at Troy): Excellent choice._

_Neither of them acknowledge out loud that The Fall of Thoraxis is a three-episode arc that has to be watched back-to-back to be fully appreciated._

_TROY: We shouldn’t disturb Annie, though. Let’s watch in my room._

_INT. TROY’S ROOM - NIGHT_

_Troy and Abed are sitting up close together in Troy’s bed, a laptop propped up on their thighs. Inspector Spacetime theme music plays from the speakers. The room is mostly dark, illuminated only by the light of the screen._

_TROY (grinning): I love this episode._

_ABED: Mmm, me too._

_They do their handshake, slightly awkwardly due to sitting so close together, then settle in to watch._

_DISSOLVE TO:_

_Some time later, the end credits are rolling. Troy and Abed are sitting a little more slumped against each other, eyes drooping._

_ABED: Next episode?_

_TROY: You bet._

_He glances at Abed somewhat wistfully, then rests his head on Abed's shoulder._

_DISSOLVE TO:_

_Some time later, the episode continues playing but Troy and Abed are both asleep. Troy's head is resting on Abed's shoulder while Abed's head is pillowed on Troy's hair._

_They both startle awake at the sound of a loud explosion on screen. Abed's head jerks up while Troy lets out a small gasp. It takes them both a second to realize what is going on: that they fell asleep while watching Inspector Spacetime mere hours before Troy is due to leave, thereby reducing their time together._

_Abed looks down at Troy, Troy looks up at Abed. Their faces are very close. They don't seem to hear the sounds of battle in the show. Abed swallows visibly, trying to stifle the wild emotionality that his cloned self shouldn't experience. Troy's eyes are drawn to the movement of Abed's Adam's apple, then up to his face._

_CLOSE UP: Troy’s lips, slightly parted._

_We can hear Abed’s heartbeat over the sound of the show._

_CLOSE UP: Troy’s eyes, heavy-lidded, first looking down (Abed’s lips?), then up to meet Abed’s gaze. They are the saddest and most beautiful thing we have ever seen._

_Their faces are now even closer together than before but it is unclear who has moved._

_TROY (choked whisper): Abed…_

_Their lips meet, brief but tender. They pull apart only just enough to be able to look each other in the eye and gauge each other’s reaction, then they lean in again. This time, the kiss doesn’t stop._

_MUSIC swells. It is unclear whether it’s coming from the show, a neighbor’s apartment or the depths of Abed’s soul._

_FADE OUT_

*

“Okay, so from where I’m standing, this is what it looks like.” Rachel now sat cross-legged on the bed, facing Abed’s profile. “You essentially have four years of unresolved romantic/sexual tension sparked by a kiss while you were doing a movie spoof --”

“I prefer _homage_.”

“-- and over those four years you basically both prioritized each other over your potential or actual romantic partners but you never expressed or even fully realized those feelings. And _then_ you share a _real_ kiss the night before he’s due to leave for an indefinite period of time, which neither of you acknowledges in the morning, and he leaves for a hero’s journey around the world and things between you remain unsaid. I think it’s clear where the story’s going.”

“Yes,” Abed said sadly, which made Rachel think it wasn’t clear to him at all.

“You clearly both need this time apart for your character development! While you were here together, you were both too trapped in each other’s orbits to notice what was right in front of you. So you stay here and you need to learn to live your life without him, which makes you realize what an essential part he was - it’s already made you realize that. And he’s gone, far from everything he’s ever known, which makes him figure out what really matters in his life and face feelings he’s left buried for far too long. So when you meet again, you’ll both be better, stronger men who’re unafraid to face the truth of their hearts and who know that they _can_ live without each other, but they don’t ever _want to._ ”

She stopped, slightly out of breath. She supposed that developing her boyfriend’s love story with someone else shouldn’t make her this excited, but here they were.

“I think you don’t know Troy well enough to make these kinds of assumptions about his character,” Abed pointed out.

“I’m not making assumptions about Troy, I’m just expanding the story to its obvious natural conclusion.”

“It’s still based on assumptions, though, the most misleading one being that Troy’s coming back, which he isn’t.”

Wait, what?

“What do you mean he’s not coming back? Did he tell you that last night? Is that why you were so upset?”

Abed shook his head, picking at a loose thread on his sleeve. “He doesn’t know it yet. But I do.”

“But isn’t coming back the whole point? I mean, to complete the circuit around the world, he has to come back to where he started.”

“Yes, but he’ll only ever be a cameo at best. Not a main character, not even a recurring one. He’ll come back a different person, because that’s why he left: I stopped helping his character development along and instead started holding him back, so he had to get away from me. To become his own person. He has his own spin-off now and I don’t belong there, and when he comes back, he won’t belong here with me anymore.”

Abed often spoke in a monotone when he wasn’t playing a character, but this was a whole new level. It sounded like saying all this was sapping out all of his strength.

“That’s a much more plausible scenario than your pitch,” he concluded, hugging his knees closer to his chest.

Rachel understood in that moment that trying to comfort Abed with reassurances that he couldn’t know that, that surely Troy _would_ come back, wouldn’t help. He needed to accept the worst-case scenario as a way to protect himself, so he would be ready if it happened. 

“Maybe,” she said slowly, trying to come up with something more than empty platitudes, something that would actually help. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe he’s not coming back. Maybe you won’t fit in each other’s lives anymore. But maybe you just won’t fit in each other’s lives _the same way,_ and you’ll learn to adapt and find new ways to fit. Because, listen to me, I think there’s something you haven’t considered.”

He still didn’t look at her, but she could tell he was intrigued because he stopped pulling at the thread in his sleeve.

“You can have your _own_ spin-off,” she said triumphantly. “You don’t have to stay in a show that’s losing momentum because one of the main cast left, where all you can do is pretend his absence isn’t glaringly obvious. You can move on to something else. Move to a different city, get a job, date someone new, take up knitting or skate-boarding or whatever. But do it for yourself, because you want to do it, not to patch up a hole in your heart.”

Abed looked at her then, his beautiful eyes narrowed and sharply focused.

“I don’t like change,” he said quietly, but she could tell that what she’d said had gotten to him.

“I know you don’t.” Now that he was facing her, she felt that it was okay to touch him, so she covered his hand with hers. “But things change whether you like it or not, and you have more control over the changes in your life when you’re the one driving them.”

“If I spin off,” Abed said slowly, “then Troy and I will be in two completely separate stories.”

“Yes,” Rachel agreed gently. “Separate, but equal. So when you meet again, it won’t be him who’s somehow outgrown you, but both of you who have changed and grown. And maybe you’ll be able to start a brand new story together then. Maybe it will be a story of friendship. Maybe it will be a romance. No one can predict that, because that story hasn’t started being written yet. It could be anything.”

Abed stared at her for a long moment and, like always, it was impossible to tell whether she’d helped or just made things worse. Then he blinked and shifted to face her more fully.

“I’d like to hug you now, is that all right?” he asked, which was sweet. He was rarely the one to initiate physical contact.

“I’d like that,” Rachel smiled, and he pulled her in his arms. Abed was thin and bony, but he still gave great hugs when he wanted to.

“Thank you,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re being much nicer about all this than you have to be.”

“Yeah, well.” She pulled back a little to look at him. “I think this might be the right time to admit I’ve known for a while you’re my false romantic lead.”

She couldn’t tell whether this information had surprised him or not. “You have?”

“Yeah, sorry,” she said, wincing. There was no way to say this that didn’t sound terrible. “I like being with you, I just... don’t think we’re endgame.”

“Oh. I suppose that’s fortunate, considering. I assume this means we’re breaking up.”

“If that’s what you want. We don’t _have_ to, necessarily,” Rachel said, and she suddenly knew that _she_ didn’t want to, as if some weight had been lifted off her shoulders. “False romantic leads can have a lot of fun together as long as they know they’re each other’s false romantic leads,” she offered.

Abed’s eyebrows drew together. “Wouldn’t that make us friends with benefits? And if we’re friends with benefits, wouldn’t that set us up to fall in love for real?”

Rachel hadn’t thought of that. She looked at Abed, those lovely eyes that could probably make her sell her soul, and she thought, maybe. Maybe, without the pressure of being Abed’s girlfriend, she could learn how to _actually be_ his girlfriend. Maybe she could fall in love with him if she didn’t feel like she had to. Maybe by the time Abed had his own spin-off, he would be ready to cast a new love interest and she would be ready to play the part. 

“I guess that’s a possibility.”

“Hmm. I think we should have breakfast before we consider this. We don’t want to end up in a mutual pining situation and heartbreak just because we made a decision on an empty stomach.”

Rachel grinned. “Sounds sensible. But before we do that… Are you going to be all right? About Troy, I mean?”

Abed dropped his gaze to their joined hands. “I think so. Your spin-off advice makes sense. I think I’ll... look into that.”

“Great.” She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Lucky Charms for breakfast?”

“Cool. Cool cool cool.”

*


End file.
